I am the very model of a modron major general
I’ve legend lore on plants, beasts, and every elementical
I know the Queens of Gith-land, and I quote the flights draconical
From Tiamat to Tu’narath, in order lore-canonical

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters Mordenkainical
I understand the elements, simple, para, and quasi…tical,
About demonic lord Juiblex I’m spewing forth a lot of news
The Faceless Lord—the Nothing Lord—corrosive through the means of ooze

The Faceless Lord—the Nothing Lord—corrosive through the means of ooze
The Faceless Lord—the Nothing Lord—corrosive through the means of ooze
The Faceless Lord—the Nothing Lord—corrosive through the means of ooze

I’m very good with magic arcane or miraculous,
I know of hidden truenames of beings infernaculous
In short, in matters celestial, abyssal, diabolical,
I am the very model of a modron major general.

In short, in matters celestial, abyssal, diabolical,
They are the very model of a modron major general.

I know our mythic history, Vecna, Kas, and Sardior
I know there was a First World that exploded and is now no more
I quote in cunning rhyming all the tales you failed a lore check for,
I even know the way out of the domain Bluetspur.

I can tell a genuine from fraudulential Vecna part,
I know the level where you’ll find a fragment of Halaster’s heart,
Then I know where you can buy a Hero-Feasting bowl or cup,
And I can sing a Song of Rest to keep your fighting spirit up.

And I can sing a Song of Rest to keep your fighting spirit up
And I can sing a Song of Rest to keep your fighting spirit up
And I can sing a Song of Rest to keep your fighting spirit up

Then I can write a travelogue in Volothampic rating form,
And tell you where to go to steal a Dragon Army uniform,
In short, in matters Realmish, Krynnish, Athasical
I am the very model of modron major general.

In short, in matters Realmish, Krynnish, Athasical
They are the very model of modron major general.

In fact, when I know what is meant by “dual-class” and “multiclass”
When I can tell at sight a guisarme from a battle axe,
When such affairs as party wipes and social scenes with warlock pacts,
And when I know precisely who is meant by EG Gygax

When I have learnt what creature type’s a githyanki
When I know more new classes than the PH twelve you see
In short, when Force is the one true elemental strategy,
You’ll say a better modron never played the dee and dee.

You’ll say a better modron never played the dee and dee
You’ll say a better modron never played the dee and dee
You’ll say a better modron never played the dee and dee

For my dungeon knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only come as far as Acererak’s deathtrap entryway,
But still, in lore that’s Astral, Ethereal, Material,
I am the very model of a modron major general.

But still in lore that’s Astral, Ethereal, Material,
They are the very model of a modron major general!

This project owes the deepest possible thanks to Jared Rascher, for getting it stuck in my head in the first place, and Rabbit Stoddard, for editing–and greatly improving–my work. I expect I also owe apologies to Gilbert, Sullivan, and everyone who has ever worked on any Planescape product.

If you enjoy my writing here, please consider backing my Patreon. For as little as $1 a month, you can get early access to all of my writing in this blog!

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You can now buy Under the Seas of Vodari in PDF!

Under the Seas of Vodari is a 300-page book that provides 5E/Fifth Edition material for both gamemasters and players to dive into a world full of action and adventure set beneath the waves of Vodari or your own campaign world. This book is a follow-up to The Seas of Vodari, a setting book filled with swashbuckling action and magical adventure. Dive into your first adventure today!